peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
