pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
