'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize