Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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