the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
