Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I've blown a few things in my day
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
