I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
