I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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