Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
