i will never coherently bang her
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
