My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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