well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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