I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
