I smell stomach acid.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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