Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?