the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.