True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube