guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
