I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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