evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
