omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
