wake up i wanna do it froggy style
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
