I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
