we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
