The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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