i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
