i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize