What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
