Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
