My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
