Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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