we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
