State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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