if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
