Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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