I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize