Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just gargled with NyQuil
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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