I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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