i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
