shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
