Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
