I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
