I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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