overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
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