Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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