He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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