I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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