I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
