in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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