I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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