i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
