My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
