Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
