I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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