i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
