I showed him my bush... on skype.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
