so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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