the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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