sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
