I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's blow job season.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
