from now on my penis is your penis
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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