sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
