Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
