What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
