At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
