The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
