Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize