genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
