Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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